Family Time

Shawn's brother, his wife, and their 2 sons came to visit us on Sunday. They live in Maryland and it was great to get to see them at Christmas time. Thing 1 is 4 and Thing 2 is 20 months. It was so nice to get to spend adult time in the living room while the kids played.

Taryn and Thing 1 help Shawn make biscuits for lunch.

Cael and Thing 2. It's a fight for the ball!

I'm pretty sure that Taryn is trying to figure out how to steal that block from Thing 2.

There's nothing better than time with family where all the children run around yelling and having a good time together while the adults try to hear each other over the yells.

The Fork in the Road

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. Even in college, I didn't have a clue what I wanted to do with my life. It always seemed like it was such a big decision, to decide the rest of my life when all I knew was the small town I grew up in. I took many different classes in college and I found psychology to be interesting so I decided if I was going to major in something, it might as well be something I enjoyed.

After college I got a job as a customer service rep for an annuity company. I stayed for a few months before getting offered a job that I really thought would be interesting. I started training in medical transcription at a large hospital. The hospital had very good benefits including free health care and I was very happy with my job. I didn't have any big plans for changing any time soon.

About the time Taryn was born, I decided that I wanted to be a nurse. I had been thinking about it for months and I finally voiced that thought to Shawn. He immediately encouraged me to follow that dream. I decided to wait until a better time to go back to school, when Taryn and any future offspring were older. I kept that dream on the back burner after Cael was born. The one thing I didn't want was to go to school while my children were so young. I wasn't comfortable leaving my job and I was afraid that trying to go to school and work 40 hours a week and be a mom and wife was more than I could handle. Mostly I was afraid my family would be the ones to suffer while I pursued something that was solely for me.

In May the hospital changed electronic record systems and started eliminating the need for transcriptionists. I was in the middle seniority-wise and I thought I would survive the first round of lay offs or job changes that the new system and the economy brought about. I was wrong.

In August, 5 coworkers and I were told that our positions would be eliminated, but we weren't given a date. We had been watching our workload drop all summer and it was almost a relief to know that the end was in sight. The hospital had to give us 20 working days notice before laying us off and they were confident that they could move us into other jobs as they had filled most of the jobs from lay offs that had already occurred due to a hiring freeze.

Shawn and I had been talking and decided that this was an opportunity that was too good to pass up. I decided to accept the layoff whenever they got around to getting rid of me and then I could stay home with the kids by day and take night/weekend classes to get an RN through a local community college.

I've been moved around in the department to areas that needed help, but always got to do the job I liked on Mondays and after holidays to help catch up on the transcription workload. As time went on, I was doing transcription less and less, until 2 weeks ago when I was told I would no longer be doing that at all.

Today, I had my yearly evaluation with my transcription supervisor and she asked that I clean out my stuff and give her back the key to the office. I had been there for almost 5 years and I had more personal stuff than I thought in my desk.

I'm very happy with my decision to take this opportunity to pursue a dream that I've had for years. I'm so excited to change my path and do something else. I've finally reached a place where I'm not apprehensive to be giving up my job and can truly be happy with my decision. So I was surprised that I felt a little sad to leave the place that had been my home in the hospital for almost 5 years. I enjoyed the work and the people. It was an interesting job and my supervisors were very caring and worked hard to keep employees happy. Leaving was bittersweet at best.

I don't know when my job will end officially. I look forward to the ending and yet I always find change a little hard. There are new adventures to have and things to learn. The path I saw 5 years ago just took a sharp turn to the left. I'm ready for the trip.

It seemed like a good idea.

We have company this weekend and so I had the brilliant idea to have Taryn sleep in my bed with Shawn and I and our friend, Punter, could sleep in her bed. That way no one had to sleep on an air mattress.

Things went well...for the first 5 minutes.

Taryn slept with her knees in my back for most of the night. The rest of the time, she was tapping me on the forehead (or the eye) to tell me she took a good nap and it was time to get up. I never knew that she doesn't stay very still when she sleeps. She was constantly turning over and over. After 2 consecutive minutes of rolling around, I woke her up. After that she wanted to sleep on my head...which would have worked out except that I couldn't breathe with her stomach on my face.

I gave up the battle at 5:30 when I woke up because she was kicking me in the back. My kidneys will never be the same.

In the Spirit of the Season

One of my favorite blogs to read is Cake Wrecks. The contributors have daily posts of cakes gone wrong...usually very wrong. In the spirit of the holidays, John and Jen have decided to highlight one charity every day for the next 2 weeks. They will be giving $200.00 to that charity. They have asked that their followers contribute $1.00 to each charity they highlight.

They are taking suggestions today for charities to give donations, click over and make a suggestion or a donation.

Merry Christmas!

A Big Kiss!

Taryn has a new thing. She likes to give big kisses. By big kisses, I mean she grabs the sides of your head, tilts your head to one side, puts her lips on yours and wiggles her head back and forth while she kisses you. And it's not a short kiss. At least she doesn't stick her tongue out. I think she saw it on TV, although I'm not sure where. I don't think that type of kissing is on the Food Network and I'm pretty sure Dora and Boots don't have that type of friendship. I know she didn't see me or Shawn kissing that way.

It's weird, but I can handle it when we're at home. Sunday at church, she gave Shawn a kiss like that during the passing of the peace. She gave him multiple kisses like this. We were both a little uncomfortable.

I was laughing on the inside because it wasn't happening to me. I'm a good wife like that.

The Christmas List

Lately, we've been asking Taryn want she wants for Christmas. Her list changes daily, depending a lot on what she has seen or read recently. She wants a paint set, a puppy, and an American Girl doll. I could handle the paint set. The puppy isn't going to happen, we have enough animals as it is. I think she forgot about the doll since she has mentioned it in a while. Last night, she came running up to me and said she wanted a Dora singing kitchen. I figured it was something she made up, but a quick Amazon search this morning revealed this.

There's even a commercial so you can see what she sounds like. She's just as annoying in the kitchen as she is on TV. While I will let Taryn watch her sometimes, it's not my first choice.

I tried to explain that Santa doesn't bring everything on our list and that's why we put several things on there, but we don't expect them all.

Taryn turned to me and said "Santa loves me. He'll bring it to me."

I hate to burst her bubble, but Santa doesn't love her that much.

Update

I wanted to let everyone know that we are fine. Shawn went to our doctor today and for now the diagnosis is complicated migraines. Hopefully this will be a single event. If he has any more symptoms of numbness or paralysis, we'll go back to the ER and this time, we'll start out in the ambulance instead of taking it halfway.

Thanks for all the good thoughts and wishes!

Scared

I have to preface this post by saying that Shawn hardly ever goes to the doctor. He hates going to the doctor and since he rarely gets sick, he doesn't have to go that often. When he does get sick, he usually ends being extremely sick. I've never known him to a run of the mill flu that he can manage on his own. It always ends up that he has to be taken to the ER so that they can give him fluids because he is that sick.

Last night I was driving into town to do some Christmas shopping. I didn't hear my cell phone ring. I didn't hear the signal that I had text messages. When I pulled out my phone to call Shawn to ask him to do some laundry, I saw I had 15 missed calls all from him as well as text messages. When he answered my call, he told me to come home and take him to the ER. He said he had bent over to pick up Cael and suddenly couldn't see out of his left eye and that his head hurt. Shawn never admits to hurting or feeling bad, so I knew this was bad. He had called the hospital and they said he should come in immediately. By the time I got home (20 minutes later), he had everyone ready to go and we headed off to the ER.

On the way to the ER, he lost feeling in his left hand. His tongue and mouth also went numb. He told me I should call for an ambulance. For man who wouldn't let me call an ambulance for chest pains several years ago (which turned out to be pneumonia), this took my fear to a whole new level. I knew it must be really bad if he willingly asked for an ambulance. As we waited on the side of the road for the ambulance, I tried to keep him calm (but I was struggling to stay calm). Once the ambulance was there and the EMTs took over (which seemed to take an eternity), I couldn't stop the tears. I answered their questions and they took him to the hospital. As they were loading him into the ambulance, Taryn was calling bye-bye to her daddy. She was very excited to see the firemen. This is where I started to get very scared and wonder if that was the last time she was going to see her daddy. When I get scared, my mind goes to the worst possibilities, which in this case involved a stroke. Then I jumped to tumor and then death. I was on the edge of a major freak out and I thank God that my children had no idea what was going on.

The EMTs decided they didn't need to rush to the hospital as he had regained some of the feeling in his arm and face, which helped me calm down as did a phone call to my mom so she could talk me out of the scary places my mind was taking me. I called Shawn's parents and I'm pretty sure I scared them since I gave them the basics and hung up. My dad met me at the ER to take the kids back home and put them to bed. I had to laugh because my dad said he didn't know how to put the kids to bed. He did have 3 children of his own and I didn't think you could really forget how to do that. I needed that laugh.

The doctor thought he was having a transient ischemic attack or a complicated migraine, both of which have similar symptoms to a stroke. Since the symptoms had abated, they thought it was most likely that he was having a migraine, but ordered a CT of his head and a neurology consult to be sure.

Luckily, the CT was negative so they gave him medication to help with his pain and diagnosed him with a migraine. He still has some pain today, but he feels better. He's going to follow up with our regular doctor.

I know I was being irrational, but all I could think while following the ambulance was that it is Christmas and how would we get through Christmas if Shawn wasn't there? How would my kids ever know how much he loved them if something happened to him? I'm thankful every day for the life I have. I don't even want to contemplate what my life would be like without Shawn in it. I know he is fine now, but I'm still anxious. Writing things out has always helped me deal with my emotions and I'm hoping it will help today. So far, it isn't helping.

Last night when we got home, I laid down beside my husband and watched him sleep. I thought of all the prayers I had said that night and I gave one more. This time I thanked God for all the help He had given me that night. I hadn't prayed for Him to save Shawn because I don't think God works that way. I had asked Him to be with us, to help me to stay calm and to watch over us. I am truly thankful for all the help I received last night.